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3RD HIV/AIDS
AND CHINESE MEDICINE CONFERENCE June 16-18, 1995 WORKING
PAPERS PART
A (Paper #1): Responding To HIV And Anger "INVITATION
TO THE WORKSHOP" PART B
(Paper #2): Responding
More Deeply To HIV And Anger "THE
WORKSHOP"
RESPONDING
TO HIV AND ANGER (Part A) If you
imagine it's Sunday morning and we are standing before you, I'd
say, "Good Morning, welcome to our workshop and welcome to New
York City! I went to school at NYU in Washington Square/Greenwich
Village back in the late `60's, and come back often to be
energized." Then, Victoria and I would begin what we feel is
an exciting workshop. However, some of you will miss what will
be said, demonstrated or shown on video due to attending the larger
gathering or because Sunday is departure day or because of
sheer "burnout", so in the brief one-dimensional format
(the written word presented on paper) we'll give you all a "Whitman's
Sampler". Both Victoria
and I like to tell stories... So, let me tell you about Dr. Viktor
Frankl, who was one of the several million Jews who experienced the
horrors of Nazi concentration camps during World War II. He
personally suffered much, and was an eyewitness to the torturing,
incineration, shooting and gassing of his fellow prisoners. But
through it all, he also was a keen observer to the conduct of those
who survived. In his book entitled, Man's Searching for Meaning,
Dr. Frankl reports that the majority were overcome by their
situation of hopelessness and defeat. Faced with the reality that
from the death camp there was no escape-no end to suffering, no
"light at the end of the tunnel. "Many of the prisoners
fell apart spiritually even before they were broken physically.
Their spiritual transformation was so complete that they literally
ceased to function as human beings. They were dehumanized. But
Frankl also observed and was deeply moved by others who refused to
be destroyed spiritually. Not only did they refuse to give up hope,
but also they helped others sustain hope. Although the Nazis were
able to strip their bodies bare, take from them every scrap of
personal belongings, and subject them to limitless torment and
humiliation, nevertheless there was one thing that could not be
taken away: THE SENSE OF BEING or SELFHOOD; the sense
of feeling worthwhile as human beings! All who entered
those concentration camp gates were asked to surrender their
humanity. And many of those unfortunate people turned it in, along
with their civilian clothing and personal effects. But there were
others who did not permit themselves to be dehumanized by the
degrading acts committed upon them. They seemed to say, "Wait!
Even without belongings, dignity, privacy, and rank, It is impossible to read accounts of the
Nazi concentration camp horrors without breathing a monumental sigh
of relief that most of us and our families have been spared such an
agonizing ordeal. But to some degree at least, do we not all face
the challenge of physical suffering and spiritual degradation? TO
BE ALIVE IS TO FACE RISK. To be alive is to risk death, injury,
sickness, disease, anxiety, embarrassment, shame, rejection,
loneliness, betrayal. And because these are risks we run
necessarily, by virtue of our being alive, they subject us to the
greatest risk of all-the risk of our spiritual destruction, which is
to despair. We spent a goodly portion of our lives
struggling to achieve some measure of security against these and
other risks. We build nest-eggs to secure ourselves against the risk
of poverty. We follow fashions to secure ourselves against the risk
of embarrassment over our personal appearance. We buy insurance to
secure ourselves against the financial risks of sickness and
disease. We cling to certain persons to secure ourselves against the
risk of loneliness. We keep others at arms' length to secure
ourselves against the risk of ridicule. We get regular checkups and
see our dentists twice a year. We check our brakes and fasten our
seat belts, put our money in the banks and double‑lock our
doors, take our vitamins and do our exercises, but try as we may,
there is no evading the reality that TO BE ALIVE IS TO FACE RISKS.
Troubles will ultimately come to plague us. Sufferings will come to
burden us. And death will ultimately overtake us. Given this as the condition of life from
which there is no escape, let's look at those aspects of our daily
life where possibly we can offer some suggestions that might
possibly make a difference day in and day out. I'm a Liver person. I'm someone with an
"Active Hun Spirit" and for years I gave myself reasons
and excuses to get angry. I sharpened my anger in Catholic school
being left-handed when it thought to be "evil" & when
it was fashionable to use a ruler to make a point!!! My parents
moved year after year and I was always the "new kid." ANGER
was my middle name. When we present material on how to improve the
quality of your life, be assured I/WE have personal experiences!!!
Victoria's Mom and Dad had one little girl-Victoria. They split up
and divorced, and Mom married a man with daughters one year
older and one year younger than Victoria. Resentments become daily
ANGER often in such households. We know the "HUN SPIRIT"
and professionally we address it daily. KEEP READING,
there is more... ANGER MYTHS There may be one
thing that produces more conflict in us than sex. Anger. Some of us
can express anger, but then feel guilty about it. Others of us
suppress our Confusing? In order to
clear up some part of confusion, let's talk about a few common myths
about anger. Myth #1: Anger
Is not Normal. This myth holds that anger is an abnormal
emotional state, a deviation from "normal" placidity.
Actually anger is a common, garden-variety emotion. It is a natural
response to frustration or annoyance. If anger is expressed when the
frustration is first felt, the anger subsides. It if is suppressed,
it often grows larger. Incidentally,
a "normal" emotional state is one in which our feelings
are continually flowing and changing, and anger is as much a part of
our normal range of emotions as is happiness, sadness, or any other
feeling. Myth #2:
Anger Must Be Suppressed. "If you can't say something nice,
don't say anything at all." Who hasn't heard this dictum as a
child. Most of us are taught from early childhood to maintain a
saint‑like, calm exterior, no matter how angry we may feel. As
we get older, we carry on this myth in other forms. In the Sixties,
for instance, it was called being cool, and in the Seventies it was
called being mellow. With everyone trying hard to be mellow, it was
considered a fauz pas to express anger directly.
If we learn to suppress our anger, an unfortunate side effect
may be to learn to suppress expression of any intense emotion. If
you learn its not all right to express anger, you may inadvertently
learn at the same time that it's not all right to express sadness,
affection, and other feelings. On the other hand, learning to
express your feelings promotes deeper involvement with other people.
Myth #3: But
It's Not Logical. This is a frequently offered rationalization
for not expressing anger. For that matter, it can be used to
rationalize not expressing any feeling. It is not always easy to see
the logic behind our feelings. Sometimes we just say *** them and
don't know why. Feelings don't have to be logical. They do have to
be expressed, If you feel awkward about expressing
"illogical" anger, try opening with, "I know this is
not logical, but I feel angry about..." Talk about it. Myth #4:
Anger And Love Don't Mix. The essence of this myth is that you
can't or shouldn't feel anger at someone you love. Put another Myth #5:
Being Angry means Making A Scene. Some people feel they just
can't express their anger because they get confused when they get
upset. It's not necessary to shout and scream to express anger. It's
OK to wait until you feel composed and then confront someone you are
angry with. The point it not when or how you express yourself but
that you do it. Part of what we will be asking you in the workshop is: WHAT WAS THE LAST THING THAT MADE YOU ANGRY? HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING ANGRY AND HOW LONG DID THOSE FEELINGS LAST? Part of our
presentation will be to give you suggestions or strategies for
reducing the Liver person within/your active Hun Spirit. AWARENESS IS: I. To
become aware that, in desperately seeking to be loved, one really
misses the experience of feeling loved. 2. To see
how one trades the security of dependence for the anxieties that
accompany deciding for one's self 3. To
recognize how one attempts to deny in one's self one's
inconsistencies and how one does not want to accept in one's self
what one considers unacceptable. 4. To
begin to see that one's identity is anchored in someone else's
definition of one; that is, one seeks approval and confirmation of
one's being in others instead of looking to one's self for one's
confirmation. 5. To
learn that one is in many ways kept as prisoner by some of one's
past experiences and decisions. 6. To
discover a multitude of facets within one's self and come to realize
that, as one represses one side of one's being, one represses
another. For example, if one represses tragedy, one seals one's self
off from joy' if one denies hate, one denies one's capacity to love;
if one casts out one's devils, one also casts out one's angels. 7. To
learn that one is not condemned to a future similar to the past, for
one can learn from one's past, and by understanding one's past, one
can reshape the future. 8. To
realize that one is so preoccupied with death and dying that one
fails to appreciate living. 9. To be
able to accept one's limitations yet still feel worthwhile, for one
understands that one does not need to be perfect to feel worthy 10. To
come to realize one fails to live in the present moment because of
either preoccupation with the past, or planning the future We will give you all material on "Being Human" --exercises to be angry in a more "fair" manner (comes out of George Bach and Yetta Bernhard's UCLA text called AGGRESSION LAB.) We will show a video we made with the help of a close friend at E-Entertainment featuring Lillian Garnier, a lecturer at San Diego's Pacific Symposium and our instructor (she was teaching Chinese Face Reading) at SAMRA University of Oriental Medicine in L.A. In the video Lillian speaks to what a Liver person is all about in detail. Something you can do before our workshop is the following Sentence completion. DEAR BODY: I hate it when... I forgive you
for...
(NOTE: When finished, sign/date.) All in all, we
will take on ANGER, deal with anger, and maybe even have
some fun with anger as we go!!!
EXERCISES YOU
CAN START USING BEFORE SUNDAY: DIFFERENCES Sit facing each
other and maintain eye contact. Tell each other all the ways that
you differ and disagree, and how you feel about these differences,
Don't blame, justify, or argue, etc. Just state the differences
between you as you see them. Be as clear, as specific, and as
detailed as you can about these differences, and also be very
detailed about your feelings about these differences. Do this for at
least five minutes. HURTING I want you each
to express how you feel hurt. Face your partner and take turns
saying sentences that begin with the words, "I feel hurt
by...". Make a long list of hurts. If you get stuck, repeat
these beginning words, and see what words come to you next. Do this
for about four (4) minutes and be aware of your posture and tone of
voice as you do this... Now I want you to go back over this list of hurts and make
each one into an accusation. Instead of saying, "I feel hurt
by...", say "You hurt me by..." Be aware of how you
feel, your posture, and your voice tone as you say these new
sentences... Now I want you to express the anger and wish to retaliate that
lies behind these accusations. Go back over this list of accusations
and instead of saying, "You hurt me by...,,, say, "I want
to hurt you for...". Again be aware of your posture, your voice
tone, and how you feel as you say these sentences... Now share your
experiences with your partner for at least five minutes, whenever
someone says he feels "hurt", you can translate this into
the word vindictive. Feeling "hurt" disguises a wish to
retaliate and hurt someone in return. Instead of expressing this
anger openly, he advertises the injustice that has been done to him
so that you will feel bad and take care of him. The phoniness of
feeling "hurt" can be easily demonstrated by asking the
person to say where in his body he feels this "hurt". As
long as he searches for "hurts" he will be stuck. If he
really gets in touch with his physical sensations, what he will
discover is smoldering anger.
(Exercises are from: Awareness: Exploring. Experimenting and Experiencing. by John O. Stevens of Real People Press 1970 [Out of Print]
Join us this
coming SUNDAY MORNING... please! |
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